Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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