im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
