you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
