I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
