woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just cropdusted the office
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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