I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
