in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
