Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
