Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
