Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
