You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
