dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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