you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
