I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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