Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
