people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
