So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize