I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
