you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
