the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
