First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
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