I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
