I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
