Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
