if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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