Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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