i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
