:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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