Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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