she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
smell my finger.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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