I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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