yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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