he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
