I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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