If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the raccoons are back...
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