Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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