He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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