Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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