Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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