just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
