i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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