You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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