You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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