ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
