Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
