I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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