They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
