youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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