Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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