every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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