Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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