Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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