She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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