At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
