Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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