I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
