party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my sisters under your porch take her home
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
