So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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