That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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