I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize