Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
