we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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