I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i think my cat just said my name.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Two words: blizzard sex
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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