Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
