Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
