she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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