I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You can't just leave with hair like that
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
