she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
