Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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