I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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