it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
