I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
